My waist, My space, I will not be moved aside
Men…only a few of you and certainly not all. ONLY the ones that have touched a human that is not your spouse, mother, or daughter in a way that you would never want your spouse, mother or daughter to be touched. To Be Very Clear… I love men, I am not slamming you and I am certainly not making any accusations against you as a whole. Yes, I have issues with the patriarchy, but I really am on a team that includes you as part of the solution. So, please leave your accusations and perceptions of what you may think about what I write off my wall. This is my space just like my body is “my” space. You do not have permission to move my body or what I present ‘aside’. I am going to keep this short and sweet so as to not “babble” as you have previously referred to the “rantings” of women. To be truthful I don’t feel like talking about this much more than this limited bit then I would like to move on to the important parts of my life. I am actually quite pissed off that I am even writing this but my system needs a way to process what I am tired of referring to as “oh it was nothing”.
What I am going to assume in writing this is that you have not been given a clear guideline on how to behave around women in public settings. Rather than making a scene at a meeting I attended I will just make this a Public Service Announcement so as to spread the word and perhaps maybe never be ‘moved aside by my waist’ again. This teachable moment is going to state only 3 very simple statements of what is allowed and what is not allowed when you are with women that are not your people in a casual meeting scenario. You will now have a very clear understanding of what you have consent TO DO and NOT TO DO. I am not saying that these transgressions are sexual assault but what I am saying is you do not have permission to assume that it is ok to make physical contact with women that is uninvited. What I think is going on in these scenarios is a lot of assumption, power play and a general ignorance of the personal space and boundaries of other humans.
You DO have consent to shake a woman’s hand. You DO NOT have permission to touch any other part of her body during this handshake. That is right, you do not have permission to put your hand on her shoulder, her upper back, her lower back or anywhere else you feel your hand could wander.
You DO have consent to stand beside her, behind her or in front of her. You DO NOT have consent to put your arm around her shoulder, her waist or to touch any other part of her body.
You CAN politely ask her to move if you wish to move around her in order to navigate the space that is between the two of you. You absolutely DO NOT have consent to grab her by the waist, arm or shoulders in order to move her aside.
I hope I have made this as clear as I possibly can. As for the gentleman that moved me aside via my waist, yes you pissed me off, you did not have permission to move me aside via my waist and you are a complete socially awkward buffoon to have done this. I am sure you would excuse this as an innocent mistake. You were NOT my friend, you were NOT my colleague, this was the first time I had ever met you. You created an uncomfortable scenario where once again as a woman I had to choose to be polite rather than create a “scene” in a beautiful environment where we were all attempting to do important work in this world.
Thank you for waking up this fury in my system and solidifying my boundaries. I will continue to be polite, but I will no longer be silent so as to keep you in the dark. You deserve to be made aware of your transgressions so as to improve your behavior. By speaking up, you may learn to never touch our mothers, sisters or daughters in this manner. We will not be moved ‘aside’ any longer.
