Are you the motivation leader for your team yet unable to get your kids to clean their room? Do you run a profitable business but feel lacking in your relationships? Are you the centre of attention at the volunteer centre yet the hunk down the hall fails to know you exist? In my practise I frequently witness many puzzling yet beautiful contradictions in the way people strive in one environment and seemingly have the perception of failure in other areas of their lives.
The truly “aha” moments come when we start to cultivate and expose the truth of what is bringing them success in one stream of their life and how success in the other stream actually requires the same skills that they are already equipped with and using every day. What was stopping them in the first place was a failure to recognize that they were altering their approach and not staying in alignment with their true nature in both spaces. They struggle to bring a feeling of success to all ventures do to blind spots in the way they function.
I am not saying that if you fully employ your big guns at everything you will have instant success. What I am saying is that when you show up with the skills that are already bringing you success, the skills that you know you you can rely on you are much more likely to bring about a desired outcome.
I.E.. Let’s take Jane for example (fake name).. she runs multiple yoga studios, is profitable in her ventures, her contact list is booming with celebrities that she trains privately, she knows how to bring breath to her life, how to slow down, how to be present, how to get what she wants, needs, and manifest her desires…WHEN IT COMES TO HER BUSINESS. Yet, the second we switch to the topic of her significant romantic partner relationship her entire energy shifts and she is barely recognizable to the “business Jane”. She lacks confidence in asking for what she wants, she goes along with activities and attitudes that truly are not aligned with her true desires, and she generally goes with the flow in spite of feeling empty inside. The partnership has “yo yo’d” with on again off again when she has asserted that she “needs more”. Now before you go taking sides and thinking Jane needs to grow a set and kick Tarzan to the curb. Understand how they have arrived at this moment. It took two people to willingly partake in the creation of this relationship scenario.
Now back to my point. Why is it that Jane is in charge, successful and creating the business of her dreams, showing up here in the full embodiment of her deepest self awareness and truth then rejecting these very same talents in the realm of her romantic partnership? Jane was not approaching all realms of her life from a place of alignment with her true inner being. Jane wanted to feel aligned and fully alive in all areas of her life. She wanted fulfillment and happiness.
Here is how we turned all of this around, created lasting change and got Jane feeling in full alignment with her soul in all realms of her life. She began using what I call “transference of skill”. She needed to use the same inner motivating factors, the same skills, traits, strengths and intentions in her romantic life as she was in her business life. This did not happen overnight and took months of work. The transformation truly began though when she recognized that her greatest strengths and deepest knowings were employable in every area of her life. She did not need to hide or shrink in her romantic relationship as this was not who she really is.
Here are the 5 greatest contributors to the success that Jane saw with the “transference of skill” into all areas of her life.
1) We got Jane to recognize her talents and see her strengths. Jane was not fully recognizing or taking time to witness what she had already created. She had never celebrated her wins, honoured her failures, or even stopped long enough to to take a 360 degree view of her life.
2) We took a hard look at all the skills she was implementing on a daily basis that were bringing her success in her business. We also took a looked at the behaviours that were not getting her the results she sought.
3) We looked at ways she could bring her best self and her talents to the areas of her life that were not in full alignment with the way she wanted to live her life.
4) We dove deep into the triggers that throw her off her “A” game, made her feel less than, stripped her of her confidence and took away her thriving nature.
5) Jane implemented a simple daily journal exercise with two objectives: 1) What went well today? 2)What do I want to do more of?
Keep in mind Jane is already a confident women, taking care of herself, daily yoga and nourishment habits, she knows how to create success and has a full life. Jane was seeking fulfillment in all realms of her life and willing to look within herself to find the answers.
We are all just like Jane. We have finesse and talent at something and we fall short at other “stuff”. The challenge is to go deep enough into your own truth and acknowledge where the work needs to be done.
Now, you try.. Here are 5 simple questions to get you playing in the “transference of skill” playground to bring forward your truest self in all realms of your life.
1) What do you “rock” at, where do you know you are a star, you have this, it comes easy?
2) What skills, traits, experience are you enlisting when you are engaged in your “rock star” activity?
3) What part of your life does not feel fulfilled, always lacking, never enough, and hard for you to engage in?
4) Look at the skills list in question 2. Are any of these skills applicable to creating more expansion in areas of your life you listed in #3?
5) What steps are you willing to take today to start to enlist your super powers and bring about the rhythm of success into all areas of your life?
This is not easy or simple. These 5 questions are not going to solve your life balance problems. What I hope for you is that you take the time to really look at your life and that the questions bring some clarity around where you would could focus more energy to create the fulfilled life you desire. You may need help, figure out what that looks like and seek it out. You are worth the life you desire and you can create it!