“Spirit will be found in pure presence, the creative fire, the taunting of desire, the orgasmic pulse, the stilled calm, the birthing of light, all movement, all breath, this body is sacredly divine” Sherrice Kirby
Heat, sweat, breathe, flow, adulate, move with the rhythm of breath, feel the stretch, the ache, the pleasure. Sounds sexy, doesn’t it? So sorry to tease you, but, this is not going to be an erotica tell all, it’s just hot Vinyasa Flow yoga. This is the journey and that stretched my physical and conscious limits, laid me down on a mat, drenched in sweat to bring me before the altar of self for a serious conversation about intention & integrity.
The Defining Moment
Last year (2012) marked a stake in the sand in the shifting artistry of my life. Choosing to re-engage in my floundering yoga & meditation practice that had taken a six-year leave of absence in the wake of parenting, business and the designing of a fantastic new life as a family. Fantastic and let’s get honest here, “frantically frenzied”. My family, businesses, dog, and all the responsibilities that I had consciously chose had me running at an adrenal fatigue pace that was not going to slow unless I chose to stop. “What?” I know what you are thinking. “How does a self-professed Type A, high achiever, “busy badge” wearing, hustle until your good enough, recovering perfectionist, self-help wielding, example setting mother STOP?“ She doesn’t, but she can perform a miracle with a subtle shift in perspective. Stop seeking life balance and start the creation of rhythm & flow. Stop believing that if you do it all, get it done, get it right, please, & perform that you can prevent pain & discomfort from taking up residence in your life. We tend to tell ourselves a lot of stories when we nurse what is showing up as drama and fail to wean it in spite of its parasitic effect on all that we love and cherish. It is hard for truth and authenticity to compete with our imaginations tale of lack of worth without duty. So I chose to lean into the pain, stretch into the practice, accept, learn and move on. It took a year of yoga, three powerful intentions and a consistent commitment to the expansiveness of my heart to give birth to the peace that is now sitting inside my soul.
My life was whispering to me; a failed project, a few intense coaching sessions, a couple “come to Jesus” moments with people holding the funds, fights with my husband, and yelling at my child. Oh and did I mention that I had stopped wearing jeans, as an odd fleshy bulge appeared at my waste upon donning my favorite, old, faded blues. All these reasons were nudging me to stop, get present, reconnect with intention, focus and get back to the integrity of my own agenda? My body was desperately saying, “Get back to the gym, get out for a walk, and leave your desk”. My physical health & wellness had always come so easy, but what was once easy and addictive; now just felt like something else on the to-do list. My body was not feeling like the home it used to. Over the past two years I had several times where I drove to the gym, sat in the parking lot, did email, and then drove home. I took my workout gear on road trips, but it never saw any action. The hustle for the cash and recognition became recklessly off base from the “why” of the great life that I had been designing.
It was in one of these moments of feeling so frenetically driven that I wanted to crawl out of my skin that my soul spoke to me; through an invitation to “yoga” from my best friend. “The divine will speak to you through those you love when you refuse to listen to yourself”. This was starting over, getting back on the horse that I had fallen off of and refused to mount again. This was going to hurt inside and out. This was not going to look how it used to. Six years, a baby, and the neglect of my overall fitness were showing up in all areas of my life. I was not going to be the elite athlete, hot chic, wonder woman in the room. My ego was going to have to check itself at the door. My soul was going to have to hold space for fear & worthiness to work through the new decade of my life.
Let the surrender begin. There I was, at the studio, sitting in my car, looking for an excuse to drive away. This is about how the self talk went, “Dammit, I have to pay for parking, I don’t have change, shit, the meter takes a credit card, that excuse gone. I forgot a towel, I will get really sweaty, I better go home and come back another day with a towel, oh, they rent towels. I forgot a change of underwear for after. Since when do you care if you go commando? GET YOUR ASS IN THE STUDIO, before it gets any bigger!” So, I enter the studio, trepidation in tow, wondering if my suit of “I am so conscious armor is impressing anyone.“ I hide in the corner up front, so I can at least see myself in the mirror, so as to play comparison games with my old self. Everyone is quit, no talking in the studio, I lay down in Savansana. Suddenly I realize that I am all-alone with myself, my body, and someone else is running the show. I am in my body with an empty mind, and all I have to do is follow the prompts of the beautiful voice of direction. I am responsibility free, no one is asking me for anything; I just have to be in my body. REALLY, REALLY be in MY body, pure presence, surrender to the light of my intentions and manifest the silence in my mind. The heart will open when the mind stops chatting. I am calm, I am breath, I am the stillness & this is freedom. 90 minutes of sheer freedom. This realization of the bliss I had been denying myself, quickly became a liaison I could not resist. My calendar was altered to map out the pure white space of my yoga practice & the rest of my life learned to accommodate the wellness that had been put aside for much too long.
Each class offered an opportunity to set an intention. This was the beautiful metaphor that manifested into the fiber of my year. Days turned to months of the same intention being set. Until that intention molded into my being and its practice became habitual as opposed to forced it was repeated. Where there is focus, there is expansion. I was still I in all of this; my innate skills and talents were needed to map the strategy within my lifestyle and agenda to stay committed to the practice, my intentions and my integrity. The amazing gift was brining the person that was in the yoga studio into the practice of my daily life. Creating stillness in my soul, being the calm breather in all situations, and sharing the lightness of my heart with the world around me. This is still a practice that I tend to daily and I expect I always will.
3 Simple Intentions of Pure Transformation
These are the three intentions and some questions that came to me over the course of the year. The amazing synchronicity is that the same questions were coming up in conversation with many of my client’s during coaching sessions. There are no accidents. My yoga practice was as much for them as it was for myself. My work was coming through me as opposed to from me. There was a bigger reason for my practice than my own personal transformation. That reason taking me to the realm of purpose and creation.
1) Trust Yourself
Why do you want what you want?
Does your ego or soul desire this outcome?
Who’s vision are you fulfilling?
What is at stake if you push on without stopping to search what is at the seat of the desire?
You are fully equipped with everything you need for this lifetime.
Expand your heart + open your mind to the possibility that the answer you seek is right in front of you. It is possibly the nudge, the butterfly or the slight sense that you have seen this before.
Is it really your voice that is screaming? If you stop listening to all the other voices could you hear your own?
Allow the soul, logic & intuition to dictate your readiness, not fear, ego or perceived authority
2) Let Go
Allow life to flow through you, let go of all force.
Let go of what is not of mutual contribution in this life.
Create space for relationships that offer opportunity for service and support.
Reframe, Reframe, and then Reframe again!
The miracle is in the shift of perspective.
3) Gratitude for Everything Exactly How it IS!
The wondrous journey that this life is taking you on.
Every breath, every movement
The nutrition and taste of your food
The wonder in your daughter’s eyes and the smell of her hair as her head is pressed against your chest.
The pleasure you experience with your husband.
The opportunity to serve & Ad value to all life that is placed in your path.
The twists, turns, yes, no and all decisions that have lead to the exact moment in time & space that you now share with all life around you
Your bodies ability to stretch, it’s strength, & flexibility
Your minds ability to problem solve and consciously choose
Freedom, Funds, & fun
Creation, Connection, Contribution & Celebration
Integrity with Soul
Yoga is a practice as is life. There is no arrival point, just surrender to the journey. I will be honest here; accepting that I will not arrive is a challenge for someone with an innate ability and talent for driving results. There is a new consciousness to how I learn, grow and move to a space of integrity within my soul . The ability to choose perspective is proof that freedom is within our mind & soul!
My Intentional Desire for YOU
Try a yoga class, go for a hike, or find a practice that takes you to a space of surrender within your body. Your mind & heart will thank you for the expression of freedom that an intentional journey will take you on. You deserve this and your body needs it. You are worth your healthiest & most joyous self!